you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
