Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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