Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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