idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
