lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
