Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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