so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
PANTIES FOUND
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