New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
