dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just found puke in my bra..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
