hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
