I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize