He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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