I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
