i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
