They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
