The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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