I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
