She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
