So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
