You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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