My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
