getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
