found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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