Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
