Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
