he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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