I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
