What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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