How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
