I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
