Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
