I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
