she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
