My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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