I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
