Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
