seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were destined to go to rehab together
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
