"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize