glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
