I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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