If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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