I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Two words: blizzard sex
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
