quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
