when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
