dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
