The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
