the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
