fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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