You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
