Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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