My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
