Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
