I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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