Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Even my vagina gasped.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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