i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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