It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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