I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
