All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
