his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
