he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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