fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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