I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
