Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
