I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
