Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
