sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
