I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
